What a difference

As it nears midnight and my Beckett will be one when he wakes up in the morning, I find myself not being able to sleep.

Maybe it's the fact that I am taking myself back to this night one year ago.

Perhaps it's the fact I honestly do not know how it has possibly been an entire year.

By chance it's because we are having his one year pictures taken in the morning and I haven't decided on the second outfit. Yikes!

Possibly it's because we are having a party on Friday...a rather big party. Double yikes!

Certainly it’s because I am so thankful to be where we are one year later.

When you get that diagnosis and your world seems to stop, it is so hard to look into the future. And then you research and spend the whole rest of your pregnancy worrying. I hate to admit that, but it’s true. I feared something was going wrong, or things were “getting worse.” All those ultrasounds…ugh, just so many chances to see something that wasn’t there before. But we would have taken that news and figured out how to “fix” that too.

But then that baby is born.

So innocent.

We sat and stared.

Took pictures and prayed.

Bonded and cried through scary times.

Visited with family and the NICU became our home.

But then we came home. And we began our life as a new and bigger family. Paisley learned all about this baby brother that really was here, not just a picture or video.

In this year…

Normal check-ups with the pediatrician. Visits to the neurosurgeon. MRIs. Shunt revision. Physical therapy once a week. One ear infection. One round of breathing treatments.

Learning to smile. Rolling over. Laughs at Paisley. Wonderful family memories. Crawling e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. Pulling up to his knees. Exploring his world.

Built relationships with some amazing families. Honestly, all you bloggers, the support is amazing.

I am so proud to be your mommy, Beckett Josiah Crosier.

I cannot seem to wrap my brain around you digging in to your birthday cake or what you will think of opening presents. How your eyes will sparkle when you are surrounded by so many people who love you and have supported our family.

Daddy, Paisley, and I love you so very much!